the reasons for

In October of 2012, our dear beloved Prophet, Thomas S. Monson, announced to the world that Sister Missionaries could begin their service to the Lord at age 19 instead of 21. I have wanted to serve a mission since I was 15 years old. Suddenly, my nearly 18-year-old self had a serious decision to make. I knew this decision could not be made on my own, so I took it to the Lord. In April of 2013, I made my decision to serve the Lord.

July 13, 2013

The day that every future missionary impatiently waits for: the mission call. After hours of watching young men and women open their call on YouTube (yes, most of them I didn't know) mine was here. Just sitting there in the mailbox. Carried around with me. Sitting there on my bed, begging to be opened. I was nervous and excited. Anna's "don't know if I'm elated or gassy, but I'm somewhere in that zone" yep. Like that.

As you know, I was called to serve as a missionary in the Colorado Colorado Springs Mission, speaking the English language. I was asked to report December 18, 2013 (which was a huge surprise) but I was ready to get going!

December 18, 2013
I officially entered the MTC, and began the wonderful journey that was the greatest experience in my life (so far). It was not without it's challenges. Kyle's cancer diagnosis, different companions, seeing people walk away. But somehow, the changes that happened to me made everything worth it.

November 15, 2014
After a long period of persistence, and of course not without a fight, it was time to come home. I struggle with depression and I began having constant and increasingly painful achy-ness through out my body. I hurt. A lot. Not just physically, but spiritually too. I wanted to serve. I wanted to do the Lord's work. However, I also wanted to do His will. And His will was that I come home.

In an attempt to continue moving forward, progressing as we all should, I chose to go to college. I began the semester with fear and apprehension. I was still struggling a bit physically, and now a LOT emotionally. I made it through the first week, and then the next, and slowly things got better.

I still questioned though. I love Colorado. I love it with all of my heart. I love the people. I loved the changes I had seen in others, and in myself. I missed it. I asked the Lord again and again if I should go back out. Many trips to the temple, days of fasting, and LOTS of prayers later, I received my answer.

I went out on a mission, because that is what the Lord asked me to do. I knew that was right. I felt it so much in my heart, it became my will too. Together, my family and I overcame many challenges. I became more self aware, more spiritual. I saw the beauty of the Gospel change lives.

I went out for Him, and I stayed out for Him. For my family. For me.

I slowly learned that just as the Lord wanted me in Colorado Springs, He wanted me home for a specific purpose. He has a beautiful mastered plan and my teeny tiny, 5'3", red-headed self is a part of that plan to again bless the lives of others-just in a different way this time. It isn't my calling or duty to preach the Gospel any more. I did because I wanted to. I live it now. It once again has become my will.

I will forever be grateful for the things I did, felt, saw, heard, and loved as I served my Father in Heaven for 11 months in Colorado Springs. Now, it is time for me to be here. I will not be going back out to serve a mission. The Lord wants me here, so I want to be here. I'm learning to take the moments as the go, with God by my side. The struggles are real. The depression, anxiety, school work, temptations, heartache. It's there. But so is God.

Right now, in this moment, I am at peace. I have amazingly supportive parents whose wisdom and council I can never say enough thanks to repay. I have a wonderful boyfriend who makes me happier than I have ever known was possible. He treats me right. We have fun together. I live 5 minutes away from the temple. I'm moving down to Utah in April to pursue my dream as a cosmetologist. Kyle has made it another year, and so has the rest of my family. Nate was accepted to BYUI.  Dylan grows faster than a weed and is a worthy priesthood holder who passes the sacrament each Sunday. Logan is as cute as he always is and never ceases to brighten my day when I speak with him. I am proud of my family, blessed to call them mine.

Life is good and I can honestly say, I am happy.